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Gadgets are no longer only for geeks
from: Edmonton Sun
by Steve Tilley, Edmonton Sun Staff
LAS VEGAS – Thus sliced the rapier wit of late-night TV's own flame-haired uber-geek, Conan O'Brien, who had the unenviable job of hosting the kickoff event for this year's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, the massive annual trade show of all things both electronic and consumable. Which meant he had to interview Bill Gates, the only man alive who can make Conan look like less of a dork. Except Conan is a lovable dork, admired by many, and rarely subjected to wedgies, swirlies, purple nurples and the other torments of those who get more excited over wireless routers and VoIP than hockey scores and this "sex'' nonsense.
Yeah, yeah, it's a stupid, outdated stereotype, exploitable only for a cheap laugh. But if laughter can't be cheap, then only the rich will have it. You want Bill Gates to be the only guy having a good time? The fact he could buy Jupiter if he wanted to isn't enough?
As I type these words as quietly as possible so as not to incur the wrath of the horrible hangover demons holding unclean rituals inside my skull, I'm about to head back home following 48 hours or so of ridiculously intense Vegasness. This place never fails to find some new way of demonstrating the absolute heights and depths of human weirdness, and Zeus bless it for that.
Not surprisingly, the CES convention itself was actually the least bizarre thing about Vegas this weekend. It's basically a giant trade show filling every square centimetre of the Las Vegas Convention Centre, with everything from stereo speakers that cost more than your house to the absolute latest in cellphone technology, including a new service that lets you watch live TV over your mobile phone. Because people who use their phones while driving need another distraction or two to occupy them while they run over an entire class of preschoolers in a crosswalk.
Maybe I'm getting jaded, but there was very little about the show this year that I found truly mind-blowing or captivating. I do still lust for a digital video recorder in the form of a Windows Media Center PC (I want to see what happens when I tell it to record any program that includes the keyword "boobs''), and Samsung's new 102-inch HDTV drew a steady stream of agog admirers, myself included. Security around the massive TV was tight, lest a hysterical football widow rush in and attack it with a hammer while shrieking, "Wasn't 60 inches big enough? What is wrong with you people?''
One large booth on the show floor was demonstrating a product which I originally thought was called "ButtLicker,'' making me wonder if those silly robot toys had finally graduated to performing tasks more interesting than walking up steps and fetching balls. A closer look at the sign revealed it's actually "ButtKicker,'' a subwoofer you put inside your couch so you can literally feel every burst of fire from a machine-gun in Saving Private Ryan or the thundering roar of engines in 2 Fast 2 Furious. The potential applications for adult-movie viewing boggle the mind. Among other places.
In fact, I should have asked one of the many porn stars roaming the hotels and casinos what they thought of the ButtKicker. With the 2005 Adult Video News Awards going on this weekend - the porn industry's version of the Oscars, with Ron Jeremy as host instead of the much sexier Billy Crystal - there was certainly no lack of focus-group potential. Like a young woman named Ashanti who was handing out VIP admission passes for some club and conversationally mentioning, "I do porn.'' Which intrigued me both in its oddly casual phrasing and the fact she had braces. Ouch.
But even if the Godzilla-sized TVs don't live on in my latest round of happy Vegas memories, a party at the Hard Rock Hotel's Body English nightclub certainly will. Put together by Sony for their preview of the new PlayStation Portable, the entertainment was a pseudo-band called Camp Freddy, featuring the likes of Dave "Mr. Carmen Electra'' Navarro, Scott Weiland, Macy Gray, Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols, Billy Morrison of the Cult, Jerry Cantrell, JOAN JETT and Tone Loc. Tone freakin' LOC, baby! He may be a little chubby these days, but he still likes to do the wild thang!
I thought my head was going to explode with joy every time a new guest singer was brought out. In fact, Juliette Lewis (the actress from Natural Born Killers and Steve's Fantasy Dream Reel Vol. 28) totally rocked out on a couple of songs, something I giddily and drunkenly announced to her after the show when I ran into her on the way to the bathroom. Not only did she not flee or call security, she was actually very gracious about my slurred compliment and shook my hand. I think I may have licked it immediately afterwards - my hand, not hers. And I hope she wasn't watching, 'cause that was an act of nerdism that would put even Bill and Conan to shame.
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