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Our Weird Tuesday
from: nytimes.com

low resolution image Not Enlargeable "It makes for a very well-lubricated communication," said MATTHEW BARNEY at the premiere of his new film, "Drawing Restraint 9," at the Museum of Modern Art.

It was Tuesday night and the crowd was not an unpredictable one for a Barney film: YVONNE FORCE VILLAREAL, CYNTHIA ROWLEY, JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL.

Also a MAN IN A KIMONO. And BJORK, of course, who was wearing a kimono as well, and who was the subject of our line of questioning.

She and Mr. Barney, who have a child, are both in the film.

"I think that's for me worth a lot in a situation like this," Mr. Barney said, "because these films aren't dialogue-driven, the story doesn't fall into place in a traditional way."

Traditional narrative is totally out, something we appreciated after discovering how much more entertaining the weekly tabloid magazines are when read out of order.

So we quite enjoyed the film, which is basically girl meets boy, boy and girl dress in mammal fur costumes based on Shinto marriage attire, girl and boy interrupted during tea ceremony on Japanese whaling ship by surging flood of liquid Vaseline.

A conversation with Mr. Barney is a rather intense experience, however, and is not to be taken neat.

Fortunately, there is no better mixer than the halting, awkward conversation we were having at roughly the same time at the Loews theater on 34th Street.

There, the BEASTIE BOYS were celebrating the premiere of their new film, titled "Awesome" followed by a phrase that we are not allowed to print. The film documents a 2004 concert at Madison Square Garden, at which the Beastie Boys handed out 50 cameras to fans. ADAM YAUCH edited the footage, and this is the result.

After a little talk about the movie, we asked if there were any big projects in the works.

"No," said AD ROCK, who was chewing gum.

A long pause.

"We have a lot of stuff we are working on," he added.

"We are lying," said MIKE D.

"We're just kicking it, you know. Rhyming," said Ad Rock.

His eyes scanned the lobby indifferently. "Oh, detailing cars. Restaurants, lots of restaurants."

Hm.

"We went to an Applebee's the other day."

Another pause.

"There's an odd combination of the very contemporary technology being used to locate the whales and what felt like a fairly crude method of catching them, that being the harpoon," Mr. Barney was saying. "The modern Norwegian harpoon that they use seems like a bomb at the end of a rope. It's quite crude."

"We live here on the island," Mike D. finally said. "Manhattan Island."

Mr. Yauch wondered what people from Staten Island would say about that. "They feel excluded," he said. "Randalls Island."

Another long pause.

The Beasties did not seem inclined to elaborate here. We fumbled with our notepad.

"This project took my interest in that material to a different place, and a new place, in terms of thinking about its history, and thinking about its relationship to whale oil, in the sense that whale oil gave energy to the world for quite a while and was replaced by petroleum," said Mr. Barney on the subject of his affinity for petroleum jelly.

"We work on cleaning. Detailing cars," Ad Rock repeated.

All three of the Beasties were wearing rather dapper suits. Ad Rock was wearing a fedora. They stared at us. It was becoming very odd.

JOAN JETT was also there, but we didn't have a chance to talk to her.

Suddenly, Ad Rock said, "You know abortion is illegal now in South Dakota."

He cursed.

"Enron," he said.

"We are spiraling," Mr. Yauch added. "Hoping and spiraling toward Scientology."

Ad Rock continued chewing his gum.

The interview with Mr. Barney was winding up. Had he considered moving on from petroleum jelly to other substances? Say, a condiment?

"Mayonnaise is nice," he said, with the air of someone who had given it some thought. "But it rots quickly."

With Melena Ryzik and Michael S. Schmidt
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